Yes, the best thing since German structured covered bonds is back from Barcel-oh-no, with CBPPs and labels for everyone. Featuring the works of Monty Python, Michael Jackson and William Shakespeare. Well, sort of. And the launch of a new website.

ed@cbr.com ¡Oiga! The bill, por favor.

wacko.nowotny@oenb.at Here you are, señor…

ed@cbr.com Eu60,000,000,097.54! But this is an outrage!

wacko.nowotny@oenb.at But the gentleman here ordered one covered bond purchase programme. These do not come cheap.

the.catalyst@ecb.eu I did no such thing. I asked for a Greek salad buying programme. Didn’t you read The Cover-up last week?

jean-claude.tricheur@ebc.eu And what are you doing working as a waiter in the Hotel Princess Gym Bar anyway, Ewald? Shouldn’t you be governing the Austrian National Bank?

wacko.nowotny@oenb.at Well they were looking for staff and The Covered Bond Report said “only wackos need apply”. I was thinking of applying for one of those covered bond labels, too.

sir.bertalot@ecbc.eu We are pleased to announce the creation of the Ministry of Silly Labels. And to ensure the rapid implementation of our plan, the ministry will be based in a country famed for its efficient governance.

the.oscar.meister@generale-fortis-bnpp.be Belgium jokes will only be permitted if translations into French and Dutch are provided.

otmar.stickler@vdp.de I trust you won’t be letting any of those structured covered bonds in.

ed@cbr.com But I thought they were all the rage in Germany? Just look at this website: www.structuredcoveredbonds.com.

otmar.stickler@vdp.de Who is responsible for this!?! Next thing you know the vdp will be coming out in favour of structured covered bonds!

otmar.stickler@vdp.de So what will you do to make your structured covered bonds less inferior to and almost as good as the Germans’, which are the best in the…

otmar.stickler@vdp.de Halt! This is not my line. Pfandbrief. It should say Pfandbrief!

hostess@henry.v.com Prithee, honey-sweet husband, let me bring thee to Staines.

gary@lloyds.gov.uk No, Otmar. That was my line: So what will you do to make your structured covered bonds less inferior to and almost as good as the UK’s, which are the best in the world, as officially confirmed by our triumph at the News Of The Cover awards?

chris.batting@royal-cb-company.uk Bristle thy courage up, dear Gary. For Falstaff, he is dead. Gone are the days of structured covered bonds. Three long years have passed since they have had the honour of carrying the Royal standard.

sir.nicholas.falstaff@moody.com To be royal or not to be royal – that is not a part of our rating methodology. Though those that are betray’d do feel the treason sharply, yet the traitor stands in worse case of woe.

shank@depfa.com Sorry. I think that might have something to do with us…

otmar.stickler@vdp.de So what will you do to make your covered bonds less superior to and almost as bad as the UK’s, which are the worst in the world? Except for the Dutch… Ha!

shank@depfa.com I wasn’t expecting the Spanish inquisition…

otmar.stickler@vdp.de Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition! But seriously: you are thinking of doing structured covered bonds?

friedrich2@great.de No-é!

If nothing in the above menu takes your fancy, and you’d like something genuinely funny, our waiter Ewald recommends:

Monty Python’s The Spanish Inquisition http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vt0Y39eMvpI

Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZlBUglE6Hc

Without forgetting today’s special:

Monty Python’s Germany v Greece http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur5fGSBsfq8

And if your IT department doesn’t let you watch YouTube, well boohoo!