In which the ECBC explains its traffic light survey, the correlation between awards and share prices are examined, and the rating agencies’ methodologies turn out to be based on a misunderstanding. Then again, perhaps you had to be there… ¡Oiga, más champán!

bigman@steering.eu We have been working very hard giving all our members a traffic light survey to see whether they are able to satisfy the CBIC’s demands.

ed@cbr.com How does a traffic light survey work? Is that like where the Pfandbrief banks use it to signal their levels of risk?

bigman@steering.eu No. Each colour signifies how able issuers are to deliver on each piece of information.

ed@cbr.com Ah! Now I’m getting it. So green means…

bigman@steering.eu Happy to oblige.

ed@cbr.com And yellow means…

bigman@steering.eu Maybe.

ed@cbr.com And red means…

bigman@steering.eu No-é.

ed@cbr.com No way!

scrooge@steering.eu Just because I don’t believe in Santa Claus and his Christmas lists.

santa.claus@cbic.org You don’t believe in me?

john.arve.riise@oh.no Did somebody say Norway?

ed@cbr.com No, you can go back to sleep.

john.arve.riise@oh.no Good. So Liverpool losing 4-0 to Spurs was just a nightmare, huh?

ed@cbr.com No, that was real.

fritz.partyhard@barca-p.com We are indeed living through hard times…

john.arve.riise@oh.no It’s enough to drive a man to drink.

fritz.partyhard@barca-p.com Hey! I may sound miserable, but I didn’t get this name for nothing.

ed@cbr.com Well fortunately some of the more responsible parties in this market have been adopting a healthier regime at the Princess Gym Bar.

the.catalyst@ecb.eu Speaking on a personal basis and without prejudicing the actions of the Governing Council of the European Central Bank, I would like to announce the launch of a Greek salad buying programme.

ed@cbr.com And I’ll have the four cheeses pizza, por favor, with una cerveza.

josef.rockes@blackprok.com Liquidity? Pah! They promise you champagne and what do they give you? Water!

steffen.calmer@jpmorgan.com Just because Jamie Dimon hates covered bonds doesn’t mean I can’t give you a big hug. Come here and let me warm your pate.

john.arve.riise@oh.no Did somebody say water?

cedric@natixis.com Non! From now on I will be known as: Laurent-Perrier!

kill.bill@newsofthecover.com And the winner is: Natixis!

laurence@natixis.com Ah! Now we can look forward to a nice boost to our business alongside Crédit Agricole and BNP Paribas, who took some nice prizes home, too. Shame SG didn’t win anything as it would have made a nice French clean sweep.

canuck@cbr.com Let’s take a check on how their share prices fared on Friday after Thursday evening’s awards…

anon@a-winner.com Here we are drinking champagne again when the Titanic is sinking… Insane!

go2gal@cbr.com I wish. Beer, tapas and Shakespeare on my Thursday night menu.

horst@unratedlb.com But Ms Rust, it was such a shame you were not able to join us and follow in the footsteps of the now-married Ms Horn.

go2gal@cbr.com Nevermind. I believe there was pollo al limon on the menu and I can’t take the smell of chicken…

kill.bill@newsofthecover.com I’ve just got an irrational thing about female assassins bent on revenge…

horst@unratedlb.com Hey! Who let them in? I thought we’d seen the last of them…

karlo.travolta@pulp-ratings.com So the big man asked me to take care of them while he’s gone…

samuel.el.soriano@pulp-ratings.com Take care of them? You mean… downgrade them?

karlo.travolta@pulp-ratings.com No, man. Just take them out. To dinner, like. But I didn’t realise until it was too late.

uma.heberlein@pulp-ratings.com And they wonder why I win every time.